FACING DEATH AND DESTRUCTION - DAY ONE

I pretty much completely destroyed my self.
And I really hope nobody is reading this because this world is cruel enough. I am the victim.
Hold it against me for having the right to want to be left alone.

I'm listening to 'Earth Crisis' right now, preparing my mind, and my will, for death.

I abused Wellbutrin and my brain almost exploded.
Who does these type of things?(=ME)
My only hope right now is that I've been here before,
many times,
and I always bounced back.
But can I ever stop my severe, 'Self-Destruction'.

I have to walk up to the store again in the dead of winter to get water again.
I'm so damned dehydrated from my self-destruction,
my cells of this physical biological machine  are dying of thirst,
practically begging me for water.
This is one of the ways the body heals.
And you build a tolerance for water.
I meet people that barely drink any water at all(my mom),
and their health takes a huge hit from not having that H2O to function.

I dug the snow off the porch out for my cat.
As I almost threw out my back.

And I'm watching HORROR movies, that's never good(1/24/16 1:23 PM)

I'M NOT GOING TO DIE - I'M GOING TO SURVIVE: 3:23 PM - I walked up to the store to get water, and have become completely NUMB? I can't even look at people. I despise my own species because anything that anybody needs in life for survival and safety already exists here on *Earth* and guess who has those thing? =OUR FELLOW HUMAN SPECIES, BUT NOBODY WILL GIVE US SUFFERERS WHAT WE NEED NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY WE CAN NOT GET WHAT WE NEED???????? I'm at a place where I would chop off one of my foots with an axe for what me and my mom need.

And when I spit on the ground as I walk(cause I brushed my teeth and hate the toothpaste taste, I spit on the ground like the movie, "I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE" =Pure, unbridled RAGE

I will try to start a positive outlook about life tomorrow, as I head back to my intensive mental illness therapy, I'm starting 5 days a week tomorrow, and hopes that they can help be grab a hold of control of my self.

Writing Has Become Therapy For Me!

Raw Honesty, because *Lent* is about to start, and I'm at a place where I am preparing(re-purifying my self)for DEATH

BLUR